"X"

Your name covered my heart from front to back
And, now, I lack the strength to leave it all behind.

"X"

I let you down before
But I'm a different person, now
I understand if you don't believe me
I don't just want to tell you that I'm different
I want to show you
I'd show you everyday
Every second of every day
But I'll never have the chance
Because I let you down before
And, now,
You're gone.

"I promise"

How am I supposed to feel?

What do I say
  when my heart gets tied in a knot?

My heart beats so fast
  and then it sinks to my stomach
I can feel the sparkle in my smile
  slowly dissipate
The words that form
  when I open my mouth
Do they have any meaning,
  or am I lying?

No, I'm not lying, I'm just
  trying to move forward
Support goes a long way
  even when you have no strength
Being thankful for the moments
  we even get to speak
Those moments
  are everything to me

I'll keep my heart closed
  I promise
I'll smile
  because you're smiling
I'll be okay
  so long as you're okay

"X"

The way the sun illuminates
  every step you take
The vibrancy of color that
  submerges the world when you smile
The way shooting stars seem to
  go on for miles within your eyes
You're everything that's anything special
  to me; you'll always be

When dawn breaks
  serenading the sky with daylight
The way the wind makes
  all of the trees dance
Watching the dandelion seeds
  drift off to a new beginning
None of these things could ever compare
  to the bliss you used to bring to my heart

"Lost at Sea"

Somehow the ship has gone off course...
Was there ever a map to begin with?

"For As Long As Forever May Be"

Does forever exist to you?
It hasn't existed to me.

How do you define forever?
Your entire life?
An hour of the day that seems endless?

...

Endless.

Do you define forever as being eternal?

We seem to throw this word around, a lot
We seem to throw this word around quite easily, actually

Why?

Why do we use this word even when it isn't the case?

Perhaps, in that moment, we truly mean it.
But what happens when that moment ends?
It's no longer forever, is it?
And, then, your past words become meaningless
Empty.
Hollow.
Until they are forgotten.
Until they are brought up, once again, but in a different moment

I'm sure, when you say it, you may think it
You may even feel it.
But what happens when, once again, that new moment ends?

Is it a vicious cycle of empty forevers?
Is this cycle what forever means?
Going on and on and on and on.......
Thinking you mean it.
Thinking you feel it.
Thinking you want it.
Exaggerating the truth.
Exaggerating the moment.
Exaggerating your desires.

We use this word so loosely,
And, yet,
It seems to mean the most to us.
It seems to grab a hold of us
And suffocate us until we feel it
Until we say it
And, then..

It disappears.

So how long is forever?

...

Forever is..

..for as long as forever may be.

"X" I Let You Down, I'm Sorry..

Have you ever read a book
Where the end is something you didn't expect?
Or maybe you've watched a movie
Where the ending had a surprise twist,

Let me tell you something:
This is that exact moment.

My heavy heart was too much to carry
I swear that it couldn't breathe
I felt no power within my bones
I swear it was making me weak.

The spring in my step had ceased
And the vibrancy of color faded
With every moment that had passed
My smile slowly dissipated.

I surrendered myself to life
After fighting a battle I'd never win
I gave into what seemed like the inevitable
Until the light shined in.

You wouldn't believe how I met her
Because I hardly believe it myself
But the moment I heard her laugh
My heart tripped over itself.

From that moment on
All I wanted was to hear her speak
I adored every moment I heard her voice
What was happening to me?

All of my inner demons were trampled
With every word that she said
As I got to know every inch of her mind
She gave me something to believe in.

I told myself that it was too good to be true
Perfection simply doesn't exist
But I was wrong because it truly does
In someone I never expected.

I saw her eyes for the first time
And, I swear, my heart skipped a beat
I know it sounds cliche, I understand
But it isn't cliche for me.

Have you ever felt invincible-
Like you could do anything?
Because that's how her glance makes me feel
It's almost baffling.

This feeling isn't tangible either
Because I've yet to touch her skin
But when I'm finally lucky enough to hold her in my arms
I won't let go until we kiss.

I'll place my lips softly on her forehead first
Then each cheek, down to her chin
And when I work up enough nerve to do it
I'll gently kiss her lips.

The anticipation is killing me
I can already feel the chills shiver down my spine
As I dream about holding her close to my body
And feeling her love intertwine with mine.

I can't begin to explain how my heart works
I fell in love with her instantaneously through sound
It was her voice, her words, her laughter
She was perfect all around.

I took a leap, a risk, a chance;
I asked, "Can I keep you for always?"
She smiled and answered, softly, with, "Yes,
Because you're the only one who makes me happy."

To be honest, I'll compare this happening to a penny,
The kind you find heads up on the ground
Because our meeting was an arbitrary moment
That I can't believe I found.

I'll treat this love with passion
I'll give her everything I've got
Because she consumes every thought within my head
..she's everything I want.

"When I Knew You"

I never thought it would end up like this
I can hear you laughing, as I’m crying on my bed
I’ll tell you that I’m alright, even though you know I’m lying
Everything replays inside of my head.

The time you kissed me,
When you held me close to your body
I swear I couldn’t breathe
When you touched me, when you grabbed my hand
I lost composure with every word you said.

I’ll stay true to what I know
It’s so hard to let you go.
I need something else to get me by.

I’ll be here when your world falls to pieces
When the ground starts to crumble beneath your feet.
And if the pain ever ceases, I need some reassurance
That the memories you’ve stained me with will cease to exist.

The tears that I’ve shed for you still linger
Within each letter that I had never mailed to you.
I'll keep reading every line over and over
Wishing that there was something I could possibly do.

I’ll stay true to what I know
It’s so hard to let you go.
I need something else to get me by.

So let me know that you’ll be here
When I whisper, just tell me you’ll be there
When I see you in the dreams that change to nightmares.

So don’t hold back what you’re feeling
When the ceiling gets too high for you to reach
I’ll be the shoulders you can climb on
You know you can always count on me.

"Fire Side"

This vacant evening leaves me unhindered
The cloudless night tattoos stars in the sky
Its serene and voiceless surroundings
Hooks me to the fire's side.

It's time to think now.

"So Long Troy High!"

It's the end of those four years
Those four years called Highschool
And I'm so glad that I'm done.

Say so long!
Say farewell!
Because this goodbye is long over-due.

I'm off to bigger and better things
College.
Career.
A true-blue life.

I'm never going to turn back.
I'm never going to forget.

In those four years, I've learned who I truly am
I've loved, I've lost
I've laughed, I've cried.

I've gained so much experience.
I wouldn't change it for the world.

So--

Drama. Drama. Drama--
This is where I bid you adieu!