"Today" April 30th, 2012

I think something has come over me
Correct me if I'm wrong
Today I feel differently than yesterday
I feel more content.
More alive.
I feel lighter than usual.
Where did this suddenly arise from?
I don't know.
But what I do know is
Is that I want to jump for joy
Reach my arms into the air and twirl
I want to run around like a crazy person
Screaming with happiness to let the world know
That I'm happy today.
I don't care whether you care or not
Because I care. I care a lot.
Deep breaths in. Deep breaths out.
I feel content somehow.
And no, there doesn't have to be a reason why.

(:

"A Ponder"

I can no longer feel the spring in her step
Why has it gone away?
I can no longer hear her words of advice
Why doesn't she say anything?

She use to echo in my ear until the sun went down
But now the sun never sets.
She use to follow my dreams until the moon drew low
But now the moon stays lit.

I use to see her when I painted pictures with the stars
Now I wonder if I'm blind.
I use to wait for her because she use to wait for me
But it seems she has left me behind.

"Fatigue"

I'm so tired of feeling like this
It's building up--I just can't fight it
Giving all of my strength to stand
Just to end up on my knees again.

I've become jaded trying to hide this
I'm burning down--I just can't win it
You could tell, if you looked in my eyes
I'm an artificial smile who just wants to cry.

I'm slowly forfeiting every inch of myself
As I lavish through life being someone else
If you're wondering why I suppress each thought
It's because I've never reckoned to tell anyone.

I've never really starved for any attention
I've never really required any admiration
All I wish is for what I've already done
Though sometimes I wish I could open up.

When I discharge myself into my poetry
I'm actually yearning for someone to interpret me
'Cause I'm stalling for that person who will understand
And it's that person who'll pull me to my feet again.

"Keep Standing Tall"

If life is made for so much more
Then why do you feel like this?
You tell me your life has reached a dead end
And that you're pretty much done with it.

What did life ever do to you
To make you wish that you would die?
What ever happened to make you believe
That dying is worth a try?

Why do you keep everything hidden?
I wish you wouldn't disguise your frown
Why do you think, in order to be happy,
You just have to push it down?

It doesn't have to be that way
You know, there are people who care
Though it's hard to find them all
You know that I'll always be there.

I'll always be there to catch you
Whenever you trip and fall
I'll even be there to pick you up
Whenever you can't stand tall.

All you have to do is reach out to me
And, I promise, I'll grab your hand
I'll pull you away from all of your fears
And I'll help you stand again.

I'll make you see that life is worth it
Even if that might seem moot
I promise, if you gave me the chance
I'll show how many people love you.

I guess when it comes right down to it,
I really only beg one thing
I only want for you to be happy
And that you always come back to me.

Because..

I'll always be here for you.

<3

"Deep Down"

 
I can feel it building inside of me
It's making its way to the surface
But I'll make sure that I swallow it down
Because that seems to work out the best.

I hide it behind every smile
I hear it echo after every time I laugh
I can see it tattooed itself into my bluish-grey eyes
Perhaps it’s all I have left.

The mirror always shatters but you'll never see it break.

It's hard when I can't sleep soundly at night
And if I were to say that I dream the night away
I wouldn't remember the last time:

The last time I laid down to rest
Or the last time I was able to smile
Without this violent heartache in my chest.

The curtain always falls but the show will never end.

The nightmares that appear even though I’m awake
I’ve grown to ignore them all.
All of these tremors that crumble beneath me
Forced me to walk before I could crawl.

I can feel the earth dissipating underneath my feet
And so I’m forced to walk on the cracks
I can barely see through these watered down eyes
While the weight of the world breaks my back.

The shadow grows when the sun goes down.

Alone.. Alone.. Isn’t everyone alone?
Even when philosophy says that we can’t survive on our own.
I’m surrounded by people, yet they take miles to reach
Even though it takes them but two steps to get to me…