"When I Knew You"

I never thought it would end up like this
I can hear you laughing, as I’m crying on my bed
I’ll tell you that I’m alright, even though you know I’m lying
Everything replays inside of my head.

The time you kissed me,
When you held me close to your body
I swear I couldn’t breathe
When you touched me, when you grabbed my hand
I lost composure with every word you said.

I’ll stay true to what I know
It’s so hard to let you go.
I need something else to get me by.

I’ll be here when your world falls to pieces
When the ground starts to crumble beneath your feet.
And if the pain ever ceases, I need some reassurance
That the memories you’ve stained me with will cease to exist.

The tears that I’ve shed for you still linger
Within each letter that I had never mailed to you.
I'll keep reading every line over and over
Wishing that there was something I could possibly do.

I’ll stay true to what I know
It’s so hard to let you go.
I need something else to get me by.

So let me know that you’ll be here
When I whisper, just tell me you’ll be there
When I see you in the dreams that change to nightmares.

So don’t hold back what you’re feeling
When the ceiling gets too high for you to reach
I’ll be the shoulders you can climb on
You know you can always count on me.

"Fire Side"

This vacant evening leaves me unhindered
The cloudless night tattoos stars in the sky
Its serene and voiceless surroundings
Hooks me to the fire's side.

It's time to think now.

"So Long Troy High!"

It's the end of those four years
Those four years called Highschool
And I'm so glad that I'm done.

Say so long!
Say farewell!
Because this goodbye is long over-due.

I'm off to bigger and better things
College.
Career.
A true-blue life.

I'm never going to turn back.
I'm never going to forget.

In those four years, I've learned who I truly am
I've loved, I've lost
I've laughed, I've cried.

I've gained so much experience.
I wouldn't change it for the world.

So--

Drama. Drama. Drama--
This is where I bid you adieu!

"It's Raining"

Drip drop~
Drip drop~
I love it when it rains.
So calming
So pretty
Washing everything away.

Drip drop~
Drip drop~
Torrential downpour.
Thunder
Lightning
Devouring the storm.

Drip drop~
Drip drop~
I'll dance in its wind
Twirling
Spinning
Here it goes again.

Drip drop~
Drip drop~
Pure serenity
Untouched
Unscarred
It drives me crazy

Drip drop~
Drip drop~
I always look forward to this
The rush
The feeling
Nothing compares to it.

Drip drop~
Drip drop~
I can see the sky now
It’s blue
It’s misty
The storm is calming down.

Drip drop~
Drip drop~
I guess it's time to leave
Goodbye
Farewell
Don't ever forget me.

"Trip"

Why does it seem like
Every time I try to walk
I trip?

I'm sick of walking on eggshells
Stepping over cracks
Just to keep my balance.

It's ludicrous.

"Tragedy"

Tragedy--
Love.
Hate.
Believing
Trusting lies.

Drama--
Crying.
Screaming.
 I'm  already
Going insane.

Lonliness--
Fear.
Longing.
  need
A cry for help.

Disguise--
Smiling.
Pretending.
   Masking
Forgetting the pain

Hope--
Praying.
Wishing.
  It's hard
Trying to stay positive.

Regrets--
None.

Everything--
Misunderstood.
Underestimated.
   I can't
Hard to keep myself contained.

            your
It's all of my fault.

"Freedom is Seldom"

Am I free?

Is this what freedom feels like?
Acceptance--
Forgiveness--
Apathy?

Am I free?

When I look at you
I no longer feel the hurt.
When I think of you
I no longer feel the longing.

Am I free?

Am I just relaxing before another relapse?
Am I just masking everything?
Is this just the calming before the storm?

Am I really free?

I no longer want to cry in the morning
However, the feeling comes at night.
It's only when I'm all alone
Just like everyone else.
I think.
I ponder.
I wonder.

Is this freedom?

Perhaps I'm locked inside of myself
Perhaps there's no such thing as a key
Maybe there's no such thing as a better you
But, still, I think.
I ponder.
I wonder.

Am I truly, undoubtedly free?

No.

But I will be soon.

"Me Being Me"

I'm sick and tired of messing myself up
All because of someone insignificant.
Obviously, they've taken over my mind
But I would if I could do anything to help it.

The way it is, is stifling
It's like I have two hands around my neck
Or it's as if I'm being controlled by someone
Fiddling with strings attached to my back.

With the way that I have been treated by you
One would think you're negligible
Nonetheless, despite your mistreatment
All you are, to me, is tangible.

Your inconceivable actions are just as described
But I still can't grasp the hoax
It's priceless the way you think you've won
But your confidence is just a cloak.

You shroud yourself in apathy
Covering everything behind a veil
But all of your terrible initiatives
Will never hide the fact that you're frail.

Me, however, I'm pretty damn strong
And I'm not afraid to wear my heart on my sleeve
I may be a helpless romantic on the inside and out
But that's just me being me.

I'm not afraid to meander through my thoughts
Taking risks, taking chances, trying love
I'm proud of who I am, inside and out
Because if I were less, it wouldn't be enough.

If I were less, it wouldn't make me happy
If I were more, I just wouldn't be the same
If I were different, hell, I wouldn't be as fun
And I'll never take the initiative to change.

If the way I am doesn't please you
Then, please, you have the honor to leave
I'll open the door, and I'll escort you out
Because that's just me being me.

(;

Happy Mother's Day!

Every year since 8th grade, I have been writing my mother a poem for Mother's Day!

Here's this year's poem--

Hey, Mama!
Here goes another Mother's Day
And here comes another poem
About how much I love You! <3

So, Mama--
You're more than just a mom--
You're my one and only
My teacher
My refuge
My sanctuary
My best friend.
I love You, Mom.

I know I'm almost eighteen
Which means adulthood! Woo! Part-ay!
But! Nothing will change too much
I mean, I'll still be responsible
I'll never smoke or drink (duh)
But more importantly--

I'll never stop loving You <3

Happy Mother's Day, Mommy(:

"Sweet Relief"

Oh, Sweet Relief, I'll look forward to you
Now that my heart is no longer a puppet.
I've ripped out the strings that had been tied to my limbs,
And I've taken the puppet master down.
Now I feel content.

Oh, Sweet Relief, course through my lungs in a deep sigh
Make me feel a deep satisfaction for my doings.
Deep breath in.
Deep breath out.
I feel it.
I'm satisfied with what I did.
I don't deserve to be manipulated.
I don't deserve to be fooled with
Or played around with like a toy.
I'm more than that.

Oh, Sweet Relief, it's all over now
And none of it was my fault.
I did everything right.
I won't let it bother me any longer.
I have a heart, and I know how to use it.
I don't take advantage of others feelings.
I don't toy with others emotions.
I will never take a person for granted.
I'm better than that.

Oh, Sweet Relief, everything feels good
I know it'll probably catch up to me soon
Like when I'm all alone with time to think
But that's natural.
I'm only human.
But it won't get me down
I have the upper hand

Because..

I was never the weak one.

She was.